The Painters and Decorators are in . . .

Which is a fancy way I've heard of saying "I'm on my period" (courtesy of those sassy girls in Bend it Like Beckham). So For centuries and centuries, since the dawn of time I'm guessing, menstruation has been well, kinda a big deal, from being put on bed-rest for a week, to being considered prime for breeding, to having tribal rituals and ceremonies, to being considered unclean, to being the day you start wearing mascara and a bra and for some odd reason, maybe pheromones, boys start likin' ya and you don't mind, ... point in case the period gets a lot of attention.

Let me kinda give my little story and first perceptions of menstruation (where did "period" even come from?

My mom is very much the stereotypical girly mommy, loves flowers, always wears make-up, has big boobs and loves babies etc ... now that I list those things and realize I posses only one of those qualities, I feel I'm doing pretty good in life ;-) because face it we all know we end up like our mothers ... moving on, before I met Auntie Flow here were my perceptions ...

*a constant drizzle of bright red blood trickling from god knows where between my legs for a whole week

*several days before and during, filled with crying and outbursts and depression and cravings for chocolate and pickles

* an excruciating pain called cramps that requires copious amounts of pain killers, heating pads, days off work, a valid excuse to not do PE class.

*pads, I had seen pads, big cushy cotton balls that ... umm ... I don't know, I had heard the word tampon, I had seen glimpses of them in dark allies or hiding behind the bag of chips in the shopping cart, but had no idea what that box contained ...

Granted some of these are true to a degree, my image was all very grand and dramatic, extreme and horror-like, if it was so awful how did they hide it so well?

Then when I was 14 I had one period, I just yelled to my mom from the bathroom "I think I started my period, totally cucumber chill, walked with a waddle and insecurity for a few days, changed the panty liner waaayyyy too often.

I didn't have another period until I was 15, first week of highschool. I didn't notice PMS, I just hated how the pads felt like I couldn't move or sit normally, how I couldn't find the right position in my underwear so the menstrual blood would land exactly in the middle, because Ihad no idea where it came from really...

Slowly I became a monthly regular, and slowly I started to notice my ever-expanding bosom got even more sensitive, my lower back hurt, I felt sick to my stomach, sometimes I would cry for no reason, but all to a very small degree, I never felt ill or debilitated by it. So I decided maybe it was time to try a tampon, because these dirty feeling pads were my only major grievance. I tried at home and was extremely tense, and didn't really know where I was aiming, the paper in the box said towards my lower back?

I went to school the next day armed with tampons only, determined I would get this down. I got it in and pulled the applicator out ... but you cant put it in too far right? it'll disappear and get stuck and they'll have to surgically remove it. So I made sure I could at least see a third of it sticking out of me like a turtle head. Felt sort of funny walking, I thought these things were supposed to be comfy. Then I sat down in math class and almost let out a yelp at how uncomfortable and pushing me in all the wrong place this felt ... I squirmed for a good forty minutes and took it out immediately after class, toilet paper for the rest of the day only!

Eventually I figured out the tampon thing, the whole period thing, the whole birth control method that worked for me thing, it maintained my period at a level which was light, short, and virtually PMS free except for the whole lower back pain,

.... fast forward to me ten years later with a UTI because I didn't pee after sex and on antibiotics and a urethra numbing pill that made my pee the color of an oompa loompa.

I started my period the same day I started taking the meds and all I had was those cruddy cardboard tampons, on my period with a UTI, awesome!!! I was at work and in a hurry and kept pushing the tampon in but couldn't get the angle right, but made it eventually. Then of course i had to go poo a few minutes later and felt i should take it out, but it was pretty dry and kinda hurt, then after said poo I put another cardboard applicator in that looked like it had been made by an eight year old with a chain saw and a pile of cardboard ... weird image there ... it was rough ...

A few days after my meds wore off from their numbing and healing of my nether regions I noticed some pain, wait ... wait no ... some intense mother-freaking pain in my downstairs, I couldn't even touch the opening to my vagina without cringing, it hurt when I sat down, and when I did manage to get a fingertip in to see if it was inside too, yup suspicions painfully confirmed ... I knew I had to take the next step, a feeling was a feeling, but now I had to take out ... the hand mirror ... duh dun dun ... I had ample lighting and slowly lowered my compact down, I was horrified, swollen bright red, scratched and irritated looking vaginal opening, it was a nightmare. And then I realized, the tampons, those rough cut hurried tampons, those dry female juice sucking tampons, had done a number on my poor lady bits. For the next few weeks I was hands (and penis and vibrator and tampon and etc ...) free downstairs. In the healing process I leaked a more watery type liquid then your usual discharge throughout the day...

I didn't feel completely healed up until the next period rolled around, I was pads only this time, completely gun shy about the tampons, can't I use strips of cloth? or free bleed? or hadn't I once heard of hippies and new-wave yoga mommas using this menstrual cup thing? I fired up the old laptop and googled "tampon alternatives" ...

I read it all, it was an amazing flood of information, I couldn't believe I had only been presented with expensive bleached cotton choices, although considering the pure lil mama I had it makes sense, the word democrat or homosexual sends spams of fear and distain through her. I felt cheated and dumb, I furtively researched the hell outta menstrual cups and all the brands available, all the message boards. I settled on the Lunette cup in a lovely pale blue color and ordered up!

I told my mom and she acted horrified and scared, defended the old ways and insisted if its new its bad and scary and dangerous (there are no reported cases of Toxic Shock Syndrome with menstrual cups ... or red scraped swollen weeping vages like mine that I could find either...)

When it came time to use my new friend I felt like I needed gloves and scrubs and fancy nasty smelling antibacterial hand soap, this must be a sterile and cleanly operation. I am putting a piece of medical grade silicone in the similar shape and size to a shot glass up my hoo-ha. I folded it down to a small C shape stood in a shoulder width position and went for it, got it in about 3/4 the way and it opened up and naturally scooted in a bit further, text book awesome, much easier then my first few tampon attempts, granted they gave me the experience and familiarity with this sort of thing. I had a minor freak out when the little plastic tab at the bottom went in me too, but realized that must just be its natural settle in point in my body and if I pushed down with my pelvic floor muscles the tab would pop right back out.

That hot summer day I felt so free and comfortable and clean, I rode my bike, went swimming, went number one and number two without a worry in the world.

That evening I pulled on the tab till the base of the cup was coming out, then pinched the bottom to break the seal it had made inside me and pulled it down, such a small amount of menstrual matter, how had I been using such big absorbent uncomfortable things for so small a drop, ridiculous.

And it has pretty much gone on like that for the last 7 months or so. I adore the menstrual cup. I adore that it saves me money ($40 for 5 years!), I adore that it doesn't involve putting chemically cleaned, fiber-shedding, moisture sucking material into my body and pressing up against my cervix. I am glad it doesn't feel like a pad that could at any wrong angle leak and embarrass me or make me feel hot and sticky and smelly. I'm glad I can wear this thing all day because it can safely hold such a large amount of fluid, I love it! I'm never going back. I love my period, it's an integral part of me and my womanhood, its a beautiful natural thing, and my Lunette cup makes me feel like I am respecting and not interfering as much as possible. If I could free bleed and just let it go, wash my sheets and clothes at the end of the week, that'd be awesome, I'm an all natural kinda gal, not really grossed out about bodily fluids and processes ...

for now, I'll raise my menstrual cup in honor of hopefully finding alternatives that respect my body and work best for me, I'll openly tell people about it and offer to show it to them and explain how it works so wonderfully, I know peeps get grossed out but hey at least I'm not running around naked and rolling round in the grass after I bathe in the river ... which is of course the ideal situation :-)

Burning Memories

So I was determined enough to get myself out to Black Rock City this summer and it was amazing. However, life moves pretty fast and i want to be sure and remember some of the highlights before they just blend into a mushy rainbow swamp in my brain that hints of joy and wonder, so just making little fragmented snippets here, enjoy :-) oh and notes to self about what to bring or do next year, mucho importante!

One of the most amazing experiences was on the plane there, i started thinking about where the desert was in relation to the plane and my destination and was just hoping and praying i was sitting on the right side of the aircraft. I heard a guy in front of me talking about burning man and describing exactly where it was out the window, yay! I saw it and it was crazy huge and amazing, kinda a smooshed half circle "U" shape, i wish i had taken a picture, you could see how it fit right in this valley of two sets of hills, there were giant dust devils spiraling up and around in it, and the crazy thing is that a collection of vehicles tents and people could create this giant black mass visible from thousands of feet. I also feel pretty lucky i went a few days late because anyone else would have to pay money to get the birds eye view like that, but it was just part of my journey, a happy little bonus :-)

The drive in was beautiful, the drive there and back were really also probably in my favorite memories box, just listening to good music contemplating and admiring a different kind of nature and beauty.

We waited in line listening to techno for about 4 hours, it didn't even feel that long, I didn't even notice, just watching all the modified trailers and buses and people walking about, people trying to change lanes and get in faster ha ha. Some dude gave us a crossword which i still haven't done. There was a line of SUV's driving fast in a circle with maybe five car lengths between them all around the perimeter of the event, the rangers, i never saw them again after that, but there must have been hundreds. Once we got in i was completely lost, disoriented, in the dark and localized lights only i saw fronts of trailers and bikes and people appearing out of the dark and dusty distance, we entered in the back side of suburbia so its definitely differnt then arriving straight into the esplande, i guess i naively had it in my mind we'd pull up to the man and then go find camp ha ha. Anyway carlos had some idea of where we were so we parked, threw all the stuff out of the back of the truck so we'd have somewhere to sleep.

I don't remember it being especially cold the first night. But here was my first impression, it's like waking up in a dark room, but more then a dark room, light a pitch black vortex, no idea how far or where the horizon is, i was just floating in the middle of black with bursts of neon and other floating bodies, getting there at night was the most disorienting expierience of my life. While i could understand the space i was in, three feet around me, anything out further was completely bizarre, that neon ship in the distance could be five feet or fifty tall, it could be 20 feet away or a half a mile away i had no idea. And there was a long string of balloons with lights in them floating in the sky that you could never quite tell if it they were stars or manmade, drifting into a different line of shape constantly and changing direction, the stars couldn't even guide me at this point is what I'm getting at ha ha.

we went to the bathrooms and while i was waiting for Carlos i was approached by my first burner, which didn't happen except one other time the whole trip, so interesting that something about my face said fresh meet. He was all red and painted and pointy beard, like a friendly devil, telling me he was going to see infected mushrooms play and did i want to go with him, welcome to burning man, gave me a hug, talked with an energy and excitement and vocabulary that i had never experienced before, probably really high, on what, it doesn't matter.

We climbed the man and i still couldn't make sense of anything, the first night was a blur of walking and dancing and i was really quiet and wide-eyed. We stopped at a flaming, well what looked like a flaming mini replica of a roller coaster but what we later found out was a model of the inner ear, looked nothing like the building in Seattle (EMP) so maybe no one really knows what it looks like in there :-\ Someone asked us if we would come watch the show and help keep the crowd back a safe distance. We stood and watched but didn't really need to do anything, an older man came and watched next to me and completely related to how i was feeling, when i told him it was my first few hours ever here. He gave me such a peace of mind and said oh yeah it can be so overwhelming and a lot to take in, you can't speak or even figure out what you want to do or should be doing, its okay, it happens to all of us. Phew so i wasn't some unprepared freak who really shouldn't be here, i wasn't having a bad time, just a brain overdrive and not feeling like i had someone i was comfortable enough with to express all of this. we watched for about half an hour as a spiral of metal shot a flame from its tip, nothing too fancy, we felt bad, the metal started turning red, the noises got louder, what was going to happen? was it not working? then they shot out about 5 huge green flames, and a few giant red flames too, the heat was so extreme it took care of backing people up.

I don't remember crawling into bed, but i do remember we didn't have pillows ha ha, and luckily and amazingly enough i had no trouble sleeping there at all. Ah.

The rest is not sequential, the rest of the days and nights are all blended in together.

*The bikes*

There was so much research and thought into this trip, but the only way to figure it out is to go. I think i came too mentally prepared for the physical aspects of the event and not mentally prepared for the well, mental part of it. I read a lot about bikes, about how you must have one, i was camped about 100 feet from the very edge of the esplanade, i woke up and saw the man in front of me, so in that situation, i didn't really feel like i needed a bike, sure it was hot durning the day, so walking can feel torturous, and you do sweat contrary to myth about a magical wind and dust that wicks away all moisture. I managed to borrow a community bike and loved going on long rides simply for riding, not to look or stop or get from "a" to "b". Bike troupes are also a popular method for groups that go "club hopping" at night. Maybe it's the replacement for cars since these people need their cars in the real world, but being as i don't drive and have a bike as my main means of travel, walking was the step down the chain for me, not biking ha ha. So while most people couldn't program out the need for speed, i felt riding a bike robbed me of stopping whenever i felt like it, from connecting, admiring the little things. Also i don't care if your bike seat is made of one thousand feather mattresses, your butt is going to get so sore from riding, even as little as i did, that you cannot sit without cringing ha ha. So bikes are nice if you get your hands on one, but not necessary.

My first time riding a bike at burning man was when carlos was helping friends set something up, i don't remember, but i wanted to go have some alone time at the Temple, so i walked the mile there and read, observed, everyone is quiet and in slow motion there, its the most spiritual place i've ever felt, even with all the church i've attended ha ha, surprise surprise. A lot of people wrote about someone close to them dying, I had a hard time finding a place to write, but i did, i sat in the dust and kind of wrote down what i knew i was capable of and what i was tired of acting like was my potential. On the inside there were people sitting, everyone meditating and i wanted to sit and have some peace, i found a spot behind a pillar, real cozy with someone on either side and eventually people in front of me practically sitting on my legs, jammed in like sardines. The temple was playing this series of bells and chimes and gongs, very sporadic and dissonant, a random note every thirty second, every two minutes, no real rhyme or reason. I sat there with my eyes closed and my hands in my lap focusing on the noises. And it happened so slowly, so subtly, the noises became a little more frequent a little more melodic. I was in the middle of a desert in a cheap wooden structure filled with 50,000 peoples sorrows and hopes and this cloud of introspect and spirituality made it hard to breath in there. Inevitably after about half an hour tears started streaming down my face at the thought of it all and i was just this speck here too, that is was possible and beautiful and when enough people believe in or want something, it can be. I ended up sobbing as quietly as i could and felt someone tap my shoulder, i opened my eyes barely and he asked if i was okay and i just nodded and said yeah and returned to my slumber. The music was a cacophony and overwhelming and never wanted to stop. Eventually i stood up and walked out, sobered up and tucked my exposed soul back into its safe little pocket in my chest cavity. i circled the temple several times scouring the bikes for a community bike, eventually i found one and was ready to ride for hours until the sunset. I weaved all throughout the playa seeing new art and at one point jumping my chain, in a badass moment of radical self reliance when i could see no one around me i laid the bike down and figured it out. Good thing because that happened about every 1/2 hour with this bike. I rode through the streets of the burbs till i hit the outer edge, i could see where cars were entering and i could see far in the distance a camp of people i later found out were the no sound no electricity camp, the hippies of burning man, that's extreme. I rode around the outer edge for about five to six hours length, we were at four o'clock and esplanade and i started on the edge five to six hours out, not time, times measure distance here, since there is no time, i never knew what time it was, i lost it, or just realized it doesn't exist. anyway rode my "found" bike forever and managed to find camp again :-)

More bike stories! The night before the man burned they burned this giant trojan horse and we parked our bikes somewhere among the circles of art cars surrounding it. It was taking forever for the event to go down, we had been wondering and talking and there were piles of bikes everywhere, but where were ours? ha ha we played a game, each person got a turn try to remember and lead the group to the locations of our bikes, we were so turned around and fuzzy minded it took about an hour, watching the horse burn was amazing, the way it was constructed it fell down like a horse kneeling back slowly, it looked so natural.

*Night Time*

There was always some giant wooden structure burning, some nights six or seven, and you would say oh i saw that sculpture the other day, didn't know they would burn it. The smoke and heat and embers were overwhelming. Everything was burnable or shot flames, one of the coolest things was this octopus that shot flames from each of its arms that wiggled up and down and everyone danced around, and on top of that it was a mobile art car, everything shot flames and was mobile!

After we watched the Man Burn, which was insane, mushroom cloud flame explosions, fireworks, that was such a sensory overload experience i don't even remember it, i have to see pictures, but i heard i was there, i gave away all my necklaces that night. Those necklaces were a huge hit. Anyway after the man we really wanted to ride an art car around at night, we couldn't find any, me and ellen chased a pirate ship and ran beside it for a good long while, i forgot i had a lower body and just kept to the side of it, green and blue neon pumping with the rhythm of their awesome music, they couldn't stop and let us on but we ran beside them and danced and had just as much fun, i felt like i could've ran indefinitely but we had to get back to the group.

We never found an art car at night but we did go on one of the other most amazing things i saw that year, some one made an exact replica of an old fishing dock, except it started at the ground and went up about 30 feet. It had the little hanging lanterns and a tackle shop (i.e. bar) it felt like donkey kong 2 on the pirate levels. At the end there were fishing poles and i don't know what happened but all the sudden paul had a pole and was like lets go fishing. At that point i was in total fantasy land, and thats what so great about this place, its a playground and your imagination is reality. In that moment i was going to catch fish, sit and wait patiently for them. We had no line so we all took apart bracelets, strips of chord, whatever we had on our person and tied them together to fish for hippies at the end of the dock. Me and carlos went pee and when we returned paul was still patiently fishing and i bit the end of the line and put up a good fight before i let go, i put bracelets and burning men on the end of the others fishing poles and then we all headed out again, that was one of my favorite places and memories, i truly just did whatever my mind drifted to. once you were on the dock everything else was water, a sea of possibilities bwa ha ha

Besides peeing behind random trailers near center camp and lounging in a circular room with canvas walls made of amazing paintings and Christmas lights overhead those are my best night memories. There was a lot of walking around and man was it freezing, biggest regret not dressing warm enough. The music was okay but not reliable and no one danced as much as i would have hoped or wanted but the DJ stages were incredible.

*The Days*

Days were spent eating pickles and loaves of bread, having communal sandwich time, chips and salsa time with the neighbors, Learning and partially experiencing dunkaroos (dip head in ice cold cooler water, get slapped across the face, chug a beer), very refreshing. We walked around and explored the camps, got free drinks, sparkle camp, arctic camp, giant croquet game camp, Charlie the unicorn art car of wonder. Art cars are the best way to have public transportation, mobile party with great music and no destination.

I didn't meet a lot of people or go to many scheduled events, i had a hard time finding the right headspace to just put myself out there and go for it, my instinct was to be hard and cold and protective like i was in a big scary city, but quite the opposite would be better. I also didn't really know the person i went with, i mean you can know about a person but not know what their inherant attitude and level of adventure and willingness to be ridiculous enough to just be yourself is. I am a very strong independent person and it was hard for me to be watched and questioned and worried after so much i got extremely frustrated not feeling like i could be comfortable saying or doing what felt natural, the event itself was amazing but there was a lot of awkwardness with my travel companion that tainted a lot of the trip. So i am just saying make sure you know who you are going with or go alone.

I did a lot of research prior about what kind of shoes to wear, and tennis shoes are fine, really, nothing fancy required, they do get pretty trashed so cheap is good. i didnt changed socks three times a day like i thought i would from all i had read, my skin didn't turn into a cracking peeling dry mess, i didn't get sunburnt, I didn't keep track of how much water i drank but i never got dehydrated. I only showered once, the weather was extremely mild that year and baby wipes were fine. People did litter and pour liquid on the playa and the bathrooms are the most disgusting thing i have ever encountered, you can smell the cleaning trucks coming a mile away, go in the morning after they are cleaned, at night is hard because it's dark, but since its not baking in the sun they don't smell as bad.

Things i didn't bring i wish i had:

Knife

Granola bars

pillows

hats (no shower, no hair worth showing off)

warms clothes (leggings, fur coats)

a rug for the ground or tent

camping chairs

But really other then that we were pretty prepared and i made do quite well :-)

So overall burning man is amazing, you will have some great times the first time, but i think it is just really the year of learning and understanding, second time around will be the real experience :-)

:-)

A Quiet Intensity

Man oh man (Hey there's an expression that raises some gender questions), I have been meaning to get a going on here forever. So much has happened in the world! I am currently enrolled in a Women's Studies 101 class, and while most of it's old news, it is good to have a more constant reminder to think about the things i love to think about, phew, yeah, weird sentence there. Slight rabbit trail here, but in learning another language analyzing your own native tongue is inevitable. I mean i start to realize that in all my dis-conjointed, broken, pitched, poetic and cryptic ways of speaking i am a master of the spoken english language. Of course with reveling in my own genius i realize it will take just that much skill to acquire another and i am truly discouraged and heartbroken. Okay, moving on, women ... feminism ...

There are many sad things that happen to women, prejudices and unseen, unspoken gender roles, soooooo thought to kick things off i would address something i experienced today and had a large discussion with my sister about later, that is kinda of a plus side to being a women. Thus begins my tale of wonder ;-)

I was to go to my sensei's mailbox after class to pick up an assignment she had so graciously corrected for me when I couldn't be there. I asked the secretary if it was okay to just snag it real quick and she said i needed ID. hmmm, no wallet, shoot. "No bus pass, license, school ID, assignment or books with your name on it?" ummm, it's all in Japanese... luckily my teacher wrote my name on the envelope in Japanese and it looked the same as the name on some old homework and I made it out with the papers and a heap of flusteration and embarrassment.

So I'm not addressing the fact I'm an idiot without a wallet, or that we can't be trusted to leave papers in a safe place and have the right person retrieve them, not the fact that some teachers are just amazing and actually care about your education and will do all they can to help you out ... hmmm now what could it be, what was interesting about this scenario I wonder ...

It's the fact that had I been maybe a little less inclined to smile and apologize profusely, or perhaps if i hadn't been dressed like a bit of a classy secretary myself that day, or hadn't been obviously shuffling through a pile of japanese homework, or, and here it is, maybe perhaps if i hadn't been a girl ...

Sometimes I forgot that because we (women) are thought of, ideally, as nurturing, honest, kind, simple creatures, people assume we are, and are often right, there was no swindling on my part here, an honest mistake.

I've started noticing scenarios in my life that if I replace myself with a boy dressed in dirty clothes with a 5 o'clock shadow and terse tone, it wouldn't happen that way. I start to recall several times in my life when I got treated better just because I was a girl, you respect them because they're ladies, or try to kill them with kindness so you can get in their pants, either way. Once when I was 15 I was getting my picture taken for my permit and the man behind the counter asked me all sorts of questions about my life, thought I was a fascinating young lass, and took my picture over and over until I said I was happy with it. Or men letting me go first in the grocery line, sales clerks offering me samples or assistance in stores, I don't know why these preconceived notions thrive, but what really disturbs me is how much we can get away with. I don't mean just by the flirting and giggling and distracting men with cleavage tactic, because it works with other women too, i mean just by having a vagina.

I recently watched this video

(yeah, this one, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge7i60GuNRg),

and it really got me thinking. A middle-class+ women, of any age, can get away with littering, shoplifting, stealing dinnerware from a restaurant, taking extra free samples, hogging the newspaper at the coffee-shop, leaving the bathroom stinky, being late to anything, burping, farting, not tipping, not putting in enough bus fare, stealing another students homework, cheating on a test, etc. and not get confronted by a man about it, or even noticed doing such things at all, you'd never suspect. While maybe its not for good reason, it is kind of nice to be invisible sometimes :-) Not that i want to get away with such things ... but more often then not in my life i don't get noticed for anything more then my looks until i ask for it ...

I wake and ...

I wake up hoping I'll have the will to study Japanese.

I wake up hoping the sun is out and I am ready to let it warm me inside and out.

I wake up wanting to arm every girl and women with a shield of strength and independence. Hold her and say you must be careful and protect yourself, love who you find inside, not who you feel you have to act like on the outside. Educate yourself! Question everything!

I wake up wishing there was a warm body next to me to snuggle up against.

I wake up hoping I am in a new place full of acceptance and possibility, that will make my heart swell and burst with beauty and improvement of life all around me.

I wake up wishing I could go for miles and miles, that I could walk to this place where I realize how little and unimportant my sadness and worries are.

I wake up wishing to feeling rested and calm and happy to be here, excited to be around the people that are in my life, to feed off their energy and motivation and create a bubbly collective progressive movement of our own.

I don't get money, it's a start . . .

Not only do i not get money like comprehension wise, but i don't receive it often, so in both senses in that case. Oh man capitalism and greed and true value, where do i begin, such a giant mess. I'll start with recognition and "worth" in reference to the type of people who have wealth, actually no, wait, i want to start back a little further.

Why is money necessary? Why does it cost money for someone to pass their knowledge on to you once you are over 18? Why do some electronic numbers in a bank database or pieces of dyed green cotton control every action of my life? How do I stop it?

As far as the dead prezzes go, we've been in fairly good standing my whole life, i don't owe but a small amount on a credit card and always save enough to pay my bills, rent, groceries, can count on one hand the times i've over drafted or made late payments, have a killer credit rating, never made more then $12k in a year, but i mean in thailand i'd be a queen with that income :-) Although i'm poverty level here :( And that is where is starts, why is money so flexible in value yet we cant just get rid of it completely, or decrease its worth. I sort of feel that this situation falls under if everyone believes it, then it must be true. And so it is!

Money! you always need more, if there is a sticky piece of paper with a printed number on an item, that is its value, if a bank looks into a super computer and says this is how much you have or we can loan you, it must be true, if the earth is getting older and resources scarcer then everyhting should cost more and more as time goes on (actually that makes a lot of sense), but really if you took a number that represented everything we've created, built, products, buildings, etc. in the course of humanity, say 100,000,000,000 what percent of that got used until it was so old it deterated and had to be replaced? how much of that served a nessecary purpose that someone could not had lived if it was not created? i'm guessing about 10% being generous here :-) I think we create a lot of useless junk because once we figured out everyhting had a "value" we though more stuff, the more value i have, the more items the more value there is attached to it, the more money there is overall, and that's a good thing?

Taking it back old school essay style Compare & Contrast

So now we get back to the "worth" of people. Okay seriously, look at, oh does it really matter?Rich White Middle Aged CEO #47, he grew up in a well manicured suburban neighborhood, had loving supportive parents, had a porshe by 16, went to Harvard, mastered in douchebaggery, i mean business/accounting, i don't know, you get the picture, he worked hard, writing papers being ruthless and motivated, and now is worth $7 billion dollars.

Look at Menzdha (made up name) she was born in Etheopia, her mother was about 12 when she had her, she played naked in the dirt all day, was weathered under the sun, carried a water bottle every day for years, every month it got a little bigger until it weighed half as much as her, then when she was 10 she was married off to a gross old man who forced sex upon her as soon as she had her first period and she got pregnant and was in labor for a week until the dead baby was cut out of her by someone who was not a doctor in a grass hut, she is skin and bones and keeps on working, all her posessions are worth maybe $3.

... Back to Menzdha, and as far as the global economy is concerned, that is all she is worth. Should we really be judged on the tangible value of our means? And be respected and noticed and live an easier life thusly? No, oh man no, i think your value is in your strong moral character, your will to go on, your inherent nature of generosity and a desire for positive expieriences, i bet she smiled a lot more in life then Mr. CEO, because any moment something was easy or pleasant she recognized it and basked in the simple times of beauty. She is worth more because she works for food and shelter and her physical safety, fights for it, while Mr. CEO is unhappy if he had to stay in a motel 6 for a night because his girlfirend kicked him out. Mr.CEO can be a nice guy, but doesn't know what a bad day is. Not to say one persons misery can trump another, but as far as what they think is misery, yes it can. Now these are two vastly different people, but when you are born you are a human, and everything else predetermines your future, you don't really have a choice. Sometimes, in those rare inspirational hallmark stories which i think are miracles, it happens. No one will recognize that we are all capable of what everyone else is capable of if the roles were switched.

And really sadly it comes down to money, now shush shush, you say what about the politics of the country you born into, or the family, or the control of your government ... and what do you think makes those factors what they are? Ha Ha so i guess this whole rant was to reaffirm in a just a small crumb of some of my thoughts on this, that, money is the root of all evil :-(

The times they are a changin'

wow, it's been so long, i don't even know the girl who used that voice. It's incredible how some life experience can make a year and 4 months ago seem like infancy, was i ever really alive till now? Well yes, ha ha but blinded by love and innocence, I'm a bitter old hag now ;-)

So i wanted to start a blog a while ago about the misrepresentation and objectification of women in advertising, and while i could start a new blog there are other things about women and my life as well i want to interject, plus I'm kinda fond of this ol' chap :-) Me and this blog go waaaaayyy back.

So right now I am going to do kinda a brain splooge of the things i am dying to stop twirling around in my brain like a cheesy olympic ribbon dancer and just get out and in the open for my own peace of mind and maybe for discussion if anyone reads the damn thing :-)

Obstetric Fistulas (Etheopia, A Walk to Beautiful)

Menstrual cups & other alternatives

Home Birth vs. Hospital

Capitalism (Just watched :A Love Story)

"Higher" Education

Misogyny in: Advertising

Music

The work place

Walking down the street ... you get the point

Sex Trafficking

Walking

Music that moves me

Great Documentaries

Great Books

Independence

Good things I eat

Polyamory

Sexuality

Society

Consumerism

My health problems

Child brides in India and Yemen

Pretty much instead of using facebook for constant status updates no one cares about or posting things i want to elaborate on, I'm using this, people pay attention to facebook because it limits you to short sentences, no real mind spew blog option on there and no one pays attention anyway, all just short spurts of comprehension and frantic page hopping . . . well, let us massage our brains into regaining those longer attention spans that allow us to read books, eat without the TV on, sit still for an hour staring at a river . . . A lot of my inner warrior women (feminist side) has been awakened lately and i love it. I used to think to this extant, a women can do anything a man can, but now, i realize more then that a women does things differently, thinks differently, is built beautifully, I guess i never wanted to admit how different the two are, perhaps because i wished i was a guy for so long (freedom of being a male?) , but i realize ... well obviously with some of theses topics ... we'll get into it :-)

Pretty much comes down to yay for cervixes and asymmetrical labia, saggy boobs and kind souls, strong legs and talented minds, dirty hands and sweating brows, swaying with the moon and grinning to the sun . . .